Hilarious Quotes by Author

That Moment when you talk

That Moment when you talk to yourself and you start smiling like an idiot because you’re just so hilarious. ~ Anonymous

I’ve never read a tombstone

I’ve never read a tombstone that said: “Died from not forwarding to 10 people.” ~ Anonymous

You can only really learn

You can only really learn from failure … To win, you need to fail, and fail hard. ~ Aisha Tyler

I want you to know

I want you to know that someone cares. Not me, but someone. ~ Unknown

I would say happy New Year

I would say happy New Year but it’s not happy; it’s exactly the same as last year except colder. ~ Robert Clark

I keep telling myself

I keep telling myself to stop talking to weirdos but then I would not have any friends left. ~ Anonymous

Dear shaving commercials

Dear shaving commercials: please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress us, try shaving a gorilla. ~ Anonymous

The worst thing about eating

The worst thing about eating an entire block of cheese by yourself is everything I just said. ~ Anonymous

What is the difference between

What is the difference between God and an orthopedic surgeon A God doesn’t think he is an orthopedic surgeon. ~ Anonymous

I don’t have a New Years resolution

I don’t have a New Year’s resolution. You don’t need that crap when you’re perfect. ~ Anonymous

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